find-oneself:

verb (idiomatic) To learn, or attempt to learn, what kind of person one is and what one wants in life.

I’ve never really been into the whole find yourself saying. This was because I didn’t truly understand it. How can one lose oneself? Isn’t that loss of identity in the movies only? What happens if you don’t have the time to leave everything you know and trek into the wilderness?

In this forced time of isolation, it makes some sense now.

Finding yourself isn’t leaving everything behind in a pursuit of self revelation.

It’s identifying your strengths and weaknesses. It’s facing the truth about you.

We can easily point out flaws in others. When it comes to our own flaws, we don’t really like to go there. At least I don’t. Because who like to admit that they have issues. Beside Julia Michael song Issues.

My parents that taught me the importance of being my own individual, that there are consequences for actions. To stand up for myself if I truly believed in whatever it was I was standing for. They also taught me to make sure I had facts to back my opinions rather than blindly following the masses. And not to argue just because. But…

These might all be good traits right, these weren’t all of my characteristics. I conveniently disacknowledge my bad traits. Yes, I might be strong willed, etc. But…

I also realize that my constant need to be an overachiever was also linked to my constant need for affirmation. Hence being a teachers pet unless the teacher was trying to force me to agree with them. Then I was the class rebel for a cause. Either side of a coin, I was pleasing somebody at one point or other. 

Another bad quality was my innate fear of rejection. Let’s be real, no one likes rejection. It’s easier to reject before we are rejected. See my post the Woes Of The Big R&F. Right now it’s big especially when we’re all alone in the cruel world, our only social life line is through social media. Sorry, that was a tad overdramatic. But the picture is painted for you.

This time of isolation truly is horrendous, but it’s also helping me to face my inner issues that I was never forced to fight since I had a million and one distractions. 

Don’t see this as a time to wallow see this as a time to grow. Identify what makes you, you! There’s no need for a mask or some kind of protective barrier to keep things out. Be a warrior, face your demons. The battles not over until you say it’s over. As long as you’re breathing there is hope.